Anyway, i just thought that I'll probably blog just once more before the end of this year... woah fast damnnn it.

Ok, reflections:

Yesterday, I had this SUPER LONG chat with mus on the phone, mostly her blaming me for this and that and saying that I'm V MEAN to her -_-, but that's not the point. I then began telling her things that I've come to realised about myself lately - People who don't know me long enough won't know this, but I had this major character/attitude change which took place gradually since I was in late secondary(I think?). I'll not go into details, but I just decided that it was time to take a step back and look things at a bigger picture; that, to me is maturing. You know it is very true when people say the less you care, the less hurt you will feel? But from a movie I also learnt that if you don't care enough for anything at all, then don't expect to receive love from anybody. Though the thought of turning into an emotional scrooge do frighten me abit, I kind of still got stuck with the prior to protect myself from harm.

So, for this recent couple of years I really couldn't be bothered by anything much. You can just start by forcing your mind to believe that such/so-and-so things don't matter that much and not let it affect your mood. Then, as time goes by, it isn't that hard anymore. And that was when I became aloof and unfriendly altogether.

...

...

...

Few weeks ago, I was alone on a cab back home from work at around 2am. As I listened to this rather old song on the radio (can't remb what), I began shedding tears for myself. I thought, what is becoming of me - if I don't care enough about people to love them, how can I possibly expect it to be reciprocated??

I think it is impossible for me to go back to what I previously was, cuz people keep changing you see. But at times I still miss my old self, one who used to laugh oh-so-often at the smallest things(tho sometimes i still do), able to make jokes on anything and was almost always at all smiles; A happier person in all.

p/s: Eh, the thought of me changing is SAD but I am not that sad ok. I just know I need to start doing something, although I'm unsure of what it is exactly...